my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
