Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
