I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
two words...techno handjob
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
