You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
