this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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