My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
