I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize