Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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