yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
