Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
