Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A bitchslap is in order.
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