Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
