i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
