I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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