If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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