if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
