you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize