In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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