My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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