Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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