I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
