I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
