i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
