He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
