Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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