I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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