drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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