She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
