anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
