Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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