Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize