She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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