well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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