Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
