The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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