I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
