Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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