We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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