Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
