"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
