Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
