I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize