all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
3pm strippers are depressing
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
