I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
