Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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