well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
