I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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