She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
