I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
