Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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