I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
