Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
