so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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