Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
