Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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