I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This house was built for laser tag.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
