I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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