I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize