what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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