i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
