I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
