She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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