she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
