Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
