So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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